Premier Crüe?

Things are not what they should be in the world, especially right now in Scandinavia. The huge tragedy in Norway on Friday pretty much eclipsed everything else, and now the internet is a-buzz with why's, how's and other questions without adequate answers.
Without trying to belittle what happened so close to here, I have a short list of things which could be blasted off the face of the earth and no one would miss them (they're all food-and-wine related misshaps, don't worry). With such large things out of place that are impossible to put right, I feel that busying oneself with correcting small cosmetic imperfections in the fabric of the universe, such as sanding down splinters on a beam, might be a small comfort of sorts.

First out is the concept of fruit leather. Yes indeed, you read it correctly. Fruit leather. I've never had it, and I really don't want to know what it tastes like. Here's a clue to all you people who "find yourselves swimming with ripe fruit at the end of the summer": freeze it. Sprinkle a small amount of sugar on the berries and freeze it for christ's sake. My God, if you're considering making fruit leather with your bounty of fruit, you're not deserving, I tell you.


(image from seriouseats.com)

Second to this is the "fwahger". Yes. Again, you got it right. It's a burger with a foie mayo. I think I've said enough.

Third is the horrifying list that the Guardian has compiled of celebrities that produce different alcoholic beverages. How about Cabo Wabo tequila from Van Halen? Or Vince Vineyards Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon and Sonoma Chardonnay from Mötley Crüe? Or Santana DVX bubbly? The list goes on and on. Please, people. Get a grip. Drinking a lot is not the same as being a connoisseur.


(image from guardian.co.uk, Photograph: Michael Tullberg/Getty Image)